Bossflatben is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, self-confident bear.

Bossflatben created carbon twelve years ago.

If you believe in Bossflatben, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bossflatben, it will turn you into a goat.

Bossflatben's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Bossflatben's Holy Commandments

1. Always store coconuts above ground.

2. Do not take Bossflatben's name in vain.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching carbon.

4. Never look at dwarf planets.

5. Never feed bananas to swans while wearing coats.