Cunkapcar is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, ruthless mongoose.

Cunkapcar created the planet Mars five million years ago.

If you believe in Cunkapcar, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Cunkapcar, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Cunkapcar's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Cunkapcar's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your arms turquoise.

2. Cunkapcar loves great tits, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not hurt badgers.

4. Draw representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Respect your elders.