Lincinveg Bimnanfom is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, weak seal.

Lincinveg Bimnanfom created tapeworms four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lincinveg Bimnanfom, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lincinveg Bimnanfom, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Lincinveg Bimnanfom's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Lincinveg Bimnanfom's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Draw representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Always help sick dolphins.

5. Do not make images of living things.