Hasnarmot is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, tiresome narwhal.

Hasnarmot created the planet Venus five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hasnarmot, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Hasnarmot, he will ignore you.

Hasnarmot's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Hasnarmot's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt porpoises.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ants.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.