Yarnellap is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, unselfish elephant.

Yarnellap created the universe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarnellap, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Yarnellap, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Yarnellap's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Yarnellap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near ducks while wearing red trousers and balancing three nickel spheres on your legs.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

3. Do not speak about lentils.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not drink alcohol.