Zakkomsas Tomkipduss Padnurtciss is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, passionate mink.

Zakkomsas Tomkipduss Padnurtciss created the planet Saturn three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zakkomsas Tomkipduss Padnurtciss, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Zakkomsas Tomkipduss Padnurtciss, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Zakkomsas Tomkipduss Padnurtciss' most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Zakkomsas Tomkipduss Padnurtciss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

2. Do not skip in public.

3. Do not wear gold on your body.

4. Erect a giant green sculpture of Zakkomsas Tomkipduss Padnurtciss in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never wear white scarves.