Funcissjen is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, humane dryad.

Funcissjen created silver eight million years ago.

If you believe in Funcissjen, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Funcissjen, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Funcissjen's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Funcissjen's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed grapes to ducks while wearing orange skirts.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never talk about birds.

4. Never wear green shorts.

5. Do not eat nuts.