Liphon Futjadnut is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, sapient narwhal.

Liphon Futjadnut created light two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Liphon Futjadnut, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Liphon Futjadnut, she will send you a sign.

Liphon Futjadnut's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Liphon Futjadnut's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ultrasonics near turtles while wearing indigo stockings.

2. Do not take Liphon Futjadnut's name in vain.

3. Never write about solid mechanics.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. You must pray to Liphon Futjadnut seven times a day.