Sogtunsom is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, charitable pig.

Sogtunsom created dark matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Sogtunsom, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Sogtunsom, it will cry a lot.

Sogtunsom's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Sogtunsom's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

4. Never paint your feet black.

5. Always obey Sogtunsom's priests.