Hakpaddobpid is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, calm guinea pig.

Hakpaddobpid created time and space nine million years ago.

If you believe in Hakpaddobpid, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hakpaddobpid, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Hakpaddobpid's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Hakpaddobpid's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Erect a giant yellow sculpture of Hakpaddobpid in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.