Dapflamnan is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, loving snake.

Dapflamnan created the Large Magellanic Cloud nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dapflamnan, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Dapflamnan, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Dapflamnan's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Dapflamnan's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove skirts before entering holy places.

2. Always help cats in need.

3. Do not hurt aardvarks.

4. Never talk about asteroids.

5. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.