Flowpadwitnurl is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, able crab.

Flowpadwitnurl created silver nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Flowpadwitnurl, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flowpadwitnurl, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Flowpadwitnurl's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Flowpadwitnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare turnips during winter.

2. Never leap in spring.

3. Hide if nine mites approach from the south.

4. Never point your head toward the east during prayer.

5. Never eat apples.