Begtalhon is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, competent squirrel.

Begtalhon created Europe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Begtalhon, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Begtalhon, he will turn you into a puffin.

Begtalhon's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Begtalhon's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry cats.

2. Never paint your hands white.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always wear pink.