Ratjarncum is a god.

She takes the form of a small, quiet capybara.

Ratjarncum created the Small Magellanic Cloud eight million years ago.

If you believe in Ratjarncum, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Ratjarncum, she will turn you into a sheep.

Ratjarncum's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Ratjarncum's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never talk about quantum field theory near pigs while wearing brown shirts.

3. Never think about dark energy near shrews while wearing indigo jumpers and balancing six silver spheres on your legs.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Do not trade with those who eat corn.