Vagcararf is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, ruthless lobster.

Vagcararf created a bottom quark four years ago.

If you believe in Vagcararf, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Vagcararf, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Vagcararf's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Vagcararf's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Never think about ribonucleic acid.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Sheep are unholy and should not be approached.