Jopquillnurthat is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, merciful gorilla.

Jopquillnurthat created the Sombrero Galaxy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Jopquillnurthat, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jopquillnurthat, he will destroy your home solar system.

Jopquillnurthat's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Jopquillnurthat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond four during ceremonies.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not speak of the strong nuclear force near sacred fires.

4. Do not prepare peas while wearing hats.

5. Do not shave your back.