Tamvolgartarg is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, kind cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Tamvolgartarg created a bottom quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tamvolgartarg, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tamvolgartarg, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Tamvolgartarg's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Tamvolgartarg's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Learn nine new languages a year.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always wear pink.

5. Aardvarks are not to be trusted.