Fagtalbarn is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, conceited jaguar.

Fagtalbarn created Mount Everest six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fagtalbarn, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fagtalbarn, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Fagtalbarn's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Fagtalbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak the names of black holes aloud.

2. Do not take Fagtalbarn's name in vain.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Always help dogs.