Cumkadbeg Nilvonjan is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, witty pig.

Cumkadbeg Nilvonjan created parasitic wasps four billion years ago.

If you believe in Cumkadbeg Nilvonjan, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Cumkadbeg Nilvonjan, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Cumkadbeg Nilvonjan's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Cumkadbeg Nilvonjan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your head.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics.

3. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.

4. Never write about photosynthesis.

5. Put Cumkadbeg Nilvonjan first in all things.