Vonkgamken is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, tranquil hedgehog.

Vonkgamken created the universe four years ago.

If you believe in Vonkgamken, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Vonkgamken, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Vonkgamken's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Vonkgamken's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vonkgamken.

2. Never mention sheep.

3. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.

4. Learn three new languages a year.

5. Never pour water over plants.