Lambemfabnutt is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, omniscient bird.

Lambemfabnutt created bats five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lambemfabnutt, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lambemfabnutt, he will throw large rocks at you.

Lambemfabnutt's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Lambemfabnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum mechanics near monkeys while wearing black corsets and balancing eight titanium spheres on your arms.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snakes.

3. Do not kill birds.

4. Never mix parsnips with water.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching copper.