Lamdav Flabnilfed is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, humorless faun.

Lamdav Flabnilfed created humankind four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamdav Flabnilfed, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lamdav Flabnilfed, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Lamdav Flabnilfed's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Lamdav Flabnilfed's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine porpoises approach from the south.

2. You must never eat corn.

3. Do not speak about tomatoes.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never talk about galaxies.