Flapgoffemlakhigdot is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, idiotic unicorn.

Flapgoffemlakhigdot created a quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flapgoffemlakhigdot, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Flapgoffemlakhigdot, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Flapgoffemlakhigdot's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Flapgoffemlakhigdot's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak at dawn.

2. Never speak of chaos in the presence of strangers.

3. Never wear stockings.

4. Never think about special relativity near tortoises while wearing magenta shorts and balancing six carbon spheres on your chest.

5. Never go into orange rooms.