Madhatmet Quimgatnat is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, loving bee.

Madhatmet Quimgatnat created snails six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Madhatmet Quimgatnat, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Madhatmet Quimgatnat, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Madhatmet Quimgatnat's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Madhatmet Quimgatnat's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear purple kilts.

2. Never feed lots of figs to doves while wearing indigo ear rings.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not take Madhatmet Quimgatnat's name in vain.

5. Never write about thermodynamics.