Naknakcam is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, resourceful monkey.

Naknakcam created a quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Naknakcam, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Naknakcam, she will turn you into a snail.

Naknakcam's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Naknakcam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near aardvarks while wearing yellow hats.

3. Always help shrews.

4. Do not dye your hair magenta.

5. Never talk about planets.