Figtettiwotlarn is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, effective donkey.

Figtettiwotlarn created the Sombrero Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Figtettiwotlarn, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Figtettiwotlarn, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Figtettiwotlarn's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Figtettiwotlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Always help aardvarks in need.

3. Do not name children after birds.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not keep five eagles in a large pit.