Vantan Vinyatfag is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, impressive tapir.

Vantan Vinyatfag created a photon seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vantan Vinyatfag, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Vantan Vinyatfag, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Vantan Vinyatfag's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Vantan Vinyatfag's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry tortoises.

2. Do not prepare onions while filled with anger.

3. Always treat grasshopers with great respect.

4. Never record signs.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.