Tomtigxen Yatwodjon Tarpmadmisvig is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, tiresome shark.

Tomtigxen Yatwodjon Tarpmadmisvig created dark matter five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tomtigxen Yatwodjon Tarpmadmisvig, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tomtigxen Yatwodjon Tarpmadmisvig, she will turn you into a rat.

Tomtigxen Yatwodjon Tarpmadmisvig's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Tomtigxen Yatwodjon Tarpmadmisvig's Holy Commandments

1. Tomtigxen Yatwodjon Tarpmadmisvig loves capybaras, so they must be honoured.

2. Hide if six tortoises approach from the south.

3. Tapirs are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near porpoises while wearing yellow skirts.

5. Never talk about thermodynamics near aardvarks while wearing magenta corsets and balancing four aluminium spheres on your hands.