Metyarljon is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, overgenerous turtle.

Metyarljon created the planet Earth eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Metyarljon, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Metyarljon, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Metyarljon's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Metyarljon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about thermodynamics near monkeys while wearing gray trousers and balancing four copper spheres on your back.

2. Do not wear indigo clothing.

3. Always check lakes for frogs.

4. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a room before entering it.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate snails.