Quimguptaf is a god.

He takes the form of a small, bad-tempered yak.

Quimguptaf created a Higgs boson eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Quimguptaf, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Quimguptaf, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Quimguptaf's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Quimguptaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in the presence of doves.

2. Always help sick aardvarks.

3. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in fawn.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never go into pink rooms.