Yattortnull is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, almighty yak.

Yattortnull created a bottom quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yattortnull, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Yattortnull, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Yattortnull's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Yattortnull's Holy Commandments

1. Learn five new languages a year.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never think about optics near goats while wearing turquoise hats and balancing seven aluminium spheres on your back.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not hurt horses.