Lopmilpang is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, calm newt.

Lopmilpang created energy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopmilpang, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Lopmilpang, she will curse you with boils.

Lopmilpang's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Lopmilpang's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Lopmilpang in the centre of the settlement.

2. You must pray to Lopmilpang five times a day.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

5. Always obey Lopmilpang's priests.