Monpagxin is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, proud crocodile.

Monpagxin created humanity seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Monpagxin, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Monpagxin, he will not care at all.

Monpagxin's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Monpagxin's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Worship no other gods but Monpagxin.

4. Never write about moons.

5. Do not eat onions.