Staffubnan is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, competent coyote.

Staffubnan created the planet Mars four billion years ago.

If you believe in Staffubnan, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Staffubnan, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Staffubnan's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Staffubnan's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. You must pray to Staffubnan three times a day.

3. Never feed lots of bananas to frogs while wearing yellow shirts.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.