Nilwoddapbontipnel is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, tiresome crab.

Nilwoddapbontipnel created the Virgo Supercluster nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilwoddapbontipnel, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nilwoddapbontipnel, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Nilwoddapbontipnel's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Nilwoddapbontipnel's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt badgers.

2. Do not speak about spinach.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never think about dark matter near otters while wearing pink dresses and balancing six zinc spheres on your feet.