Fomquafnullag Vagfennanbemcin is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, deceitful snake.

Fomquafnullag Vagfennanbemcin created time and space nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fomquafnullag Vagfennanbemcin, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Fomquafnullag Vagfennanbemcin, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Fomquafnullag Vagfennanbemcin's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Fomquafnullag Vagfennanbemcin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never jump near tortoises.

5. Retreat if six cats approach from the south.