Hotfiggebfob is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, grumpy bat.

Hotfiggebfob created gold four billion years ago.

If you believe in Hotfiggebfob, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hotfiggebfob, he will boil you in a big pot.

Hotfiggebfob's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Hotfiggebfob's Holy Commandments

1. Sheep are not to be trusted.

2. Hide if nine ants approach from the south.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never think ill of sick turtles.

5. Always make sure there are no moths in a building before entering it.