Hastadquam is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, selfish giraffe.

Hastadquam created the Cigar Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Hastadquam, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hastadquam, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Hastadquam's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Hastadquam's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no geese in a building before entering it.

2. You must love Hastadquam.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never wear cyan dresses.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.