Cinrowster is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, boastful spider.

Cinrowster created bats nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cinrowster, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Cinrowster, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Cinrowster's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Cinrowster's Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of black holes into wood.

2. Erect three aluminium sculptures of Cinrowster on top of important buildings.

3. Frogs are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not gather at wells at dusk.

5. Never speak aloud of secrets.