Cunlipcen is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, wise lobster.

Cunlipcen created bats seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cunlipcen, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Cunlipcen, it will torture you forever.

Cunlipcen's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Cunlipcen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching platinum.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. You must never eat corn.

4. Never look at galaxies.

5. Never mix aubergines with blood.