Damfasgat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, boastful snail.

Damfasgat created the Virgo Supercluster five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Damfasgat, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Damfasgat, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Damfasgat's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Damfasgat's Holy Commandments

1. Learn seven new languages a year.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near tapirs while wearing indigo jumpers and balancing three iron spheres on your neck.

3. Never talk about frogs.

4. Never talk about chlorophyll.

5. Never paint your head orange.