Gebnutmif is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, weak jaguar.

Gebnutmif created the planet Earth three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gebnutmif, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gebnutmif, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Gebnutmif's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Gebnutmif's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if six bats approach from the south.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never eat tomatoes on holy days.

4. Never skip in the presence of elders.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.