Barnpinarn is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, cheerful wasp.

Barnpinarn created the Cigar Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Barnpinarn, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Barnpinarn, it will jump up and down on your head.

Barnpinarn's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Barnpinarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not wear silicon on your body.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.