Zimlamsug is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, awe-inspiring dugong.

Zimlamsug created Europe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zimlamsug, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Zimlamsug, she will turn you into a mole.

Zimlamsug's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Zimlamsug's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never think ill of sick geese.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.