Nillkimdin Nutnellab is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, fussy tortoise.

Nillkimdin Nutnellab created everything that exists seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nillkimdin Nutnellab, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Nillkimdin Nutnellab, it will turn you into a tree.

Nillkimdin Nutnellab's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Nillkimdin Nutnellab's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine doves approach from the east.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate monkeys.

4. You must love Nillkimdin Nutnellab.

5. Never write about galaxies.