Vintofquim is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, unthinking wasp.

Vintofquim created bats eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vintofquim, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vintofquim, it will try to impress you with trees.

Vintofquim's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Vintofquim's Holy Commandments

1. Swans are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never jump in the presence of elders.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Retreat if eight monkeys approach from the north.

5. Never pray while filled with envy.