Febmapbest is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, compassionate cow.

Febmapbest created humanity six million years ago.

If you believe in Febmapbest, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Febmapbest, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Febmapbest's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Febmapbest's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate great tits.

3. Feed all hungry seals.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Febmapbest must be the most important thing in your life.