Wothenveen is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, unsympathetic jellyfish.

Wothenveen created parasitic wasps seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wothenveen, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Wothenveen, she will turn you into a plant.

Wothenveen's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Wothenveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Do not speak about beans.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Always make sure there are no mites in a building before entering it.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Wothenveen.