Dubkomvan is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, proud naga.

Dubkomvan created vertebrates three million years ago.

If you believe in Dubkomvan, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Dubkomvan, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Dubkomvan's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Dubkomvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Run away from purple goats, for they are unholy.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Dubkomvan must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not cook food in pots.