Capnillrap is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, idiotic tortoise.

Capnillrap created the Andromeda Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Capnillrap, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Capnillrap, he will be very unhappy.

Capnillrap's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Capnillrap's Holy Commandments

1. Never approach mountains carrying stone.

2. Do not contemplate gravity during the night.

3. Never think about thermodynamics near sharks while wearing yellow dresses and balancing eight lead spheres on your feet.

4. Do not hurt bats.

5. Always look after injured seals.