Baptonkyarl is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, dishonest horse.

Baptonkyarl created dark energy four years ago.

If you believe in Baptonkyarl, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Baptonkyarl, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Baptonkyarl's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Baptonkyarl's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never think about spacetime.

3. Do not bounce in public.

4. Do not speak about coconuts.

5. Never sit in holy places.